I've been wrestling with the thought of making this post but I've decided that if any of my family reads this blog and wants to know what's happened, this is the best way for me to get it out there unfortunately, without having to tell each individual.
There comes a time in a persons life where they need to say goodbye to certain people and end any relationships with those people. Relationships are unpredictable, but relationships much like friendships must remain a two way street where each individual involved gives and takes equally.
In May, our little family ventured off to BC to see my parents and extended family. A few weeks after we returned I received an email from my mother about how unfair we were to her, that she took 2.5 days off of work to see us meanwhile we stayed longer at my dads. The reason we stayed longer at my dads being we had to see my brother, my grandmother who Hailey met for the first time. If we had stayed equal lengths at my dads, brothers, grandmothers, and mothers we would have stayed approximately 2.5 days at each house. Now, bare with me here, we stayed at my fathers because I wasn't making my 7 month old adjust to 3 new houses and my father, brother and grandmother all live within 20 minutes of each other so it made sense. To my mother, this was completely unfair, we were rude to her and her boyfriend, we were supposedly rude to her coworkers (who might I add, spoke loud enough naturally that it made our daughter cry), and we were just down right rotten because our world and trip didn't revolve around her. She wrote like she took a month off of work to spend 2.5 days with us, and it was all unpaid. Everything in this email was about her and her feelings, the whole time we were out there it was about her. When her boyfriend got home, we literally didn't exist - they would go and make out in the kitchen or at the dinning room table in front of us.
Anyways, I wrote back in response to my mother, not being rude, condescending or anything but honest. I don't think I could have handled it any other way, I spoke my true feelings with real experiences or examples as to her behaviour. I stated that my world never will revolve around her because I have my own family, and most importantly my own life, and the life I'm working to build with my husband. A life that I hope brings love, laughter, joy, and so many memories for our children. A life where I don't need to talk to my parents every day because I'm figuring things out for myself, learning from my mistakes, taking the time to watch my children grow and cherish each memory I make with them and each milestone they reach themselves. This is what matters. This is my world. This. Is. My. Life.
I wouldn't change what I said to my mother because in all honesty, it's been a long time coming. We haven't had a good relationship for over a decade now, and she hasn't treated me or my brother like we are her children in almost 5-6 years. We are her personal loan service, or the ones she needs to call and complain about being sick yet again to. We haven't felt like her children, or like important pieces of her life for years now. It won't change, I've come to terms with that now, I don't have a choice. I cannot have the additional stress and strain of a relationship with my mother on my shoulders for my children to grow up witnessing and experiencing, it's not healthy for them and it's not healthy for me.
